Holding on with Open Hands

Finally
I understand it now
stupidity and ignorance – in pieces on the floor
keeping company with the remnants of my heart;
burnt offerings to Love

ohh how gluttonous she is
to consume so much of me
leaving me scorched, skinned
laid bare and raw with this new knowledge

And yet

I want you here,
near
to kiss your mouth, your eyes, your tears
to feel the warmth of you, the weight of you
the knowledge of you

to soothe this selfish beast;
this foolish girl

who now knows better
than to close her hand in a fist
hold tight to an illusion of what cannot be held
no more so than she can hold a star
or grasp the ocean to stop the tide

Perhaps this is a lie, my delusion
better to be a fool than wrecked,
crushed by your absence and
swallowed whole by what is gone

and yet I am,

lost

as my heart wants to scream for you
and my mind begs and pleads for you
to hold me

and promise
like you did before

Please…

Please…

…don’t leave me

But

I can’t blame you
I know your burden, it was mine too
and I love you yesterday, as I love you today
as I’ll love you tomorrow
so

I’m gifting you my pain
it’s a small price to pay
as I surrender

Because, I understand it now

so let’s be done with this silliness
this foolish notion of ‘gone’
You are no more gone
than if you’d stepped into another room
and if grief is love with no place to go
then I have no grief

because I know I’ll find you
in my ambrosia, my sanctuary
where you’ll be sitting by the stream
whole and healed and waiting
to take my hand and walk
amidst the meadows of my mind

and beyond that realm itself where
my love for you explodes me
encapsulated energy set free
star dust bursting forth across the cosmos

we are quarks,
bound through time and space
we are forever, endless,
and utterly complete.

 

26 thoughts on “Holding on with Open Hands

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  1. “because i know i’ll find you
    in my ambrosia, my sanctuary
    where you’ll be sitting by the stream
    whole and healed and waiting
    to take my hand and walk
    amidst the meadows of my mind”

    Simply beautiful…

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Like I wish I didn’t have to go to work and could just hang out with my goddess sisters and talk about writing all day. 💖 Thank you for giving me something to look forward to.
        I need to rub shoulders with other inspired writers, it feeds me, sparks me as steel to my flint. I’m so very glad to have you and Susan at MP. 💖

        Liked by 1 person

  2. who now knows better
    than to close her hand in a fist
    hold tight to an illusion of what cannot be held
    no more so than she can hold a star
    or grasp the ocean to stop the tide

    Beautiful word pictures that elicit the feeling of frustration and futility. Wonderful!

    Liked by 1 person

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